At home feeling depressed and ill, my body feels worn down from thinking to much. Feeling sad that I must move on regarding my relationship with the one man I truly loved. I took the day off to mourn, tomorrow is a new day and the day to brush off these feelings and start new.
Starting classes next week, this just might be what I am meant to do. Helping others takes my mind off what I am going through. I havent learned fully to love myself, to put myself first. I am a mom and even though my kids are almost grown... I feel so disconnected somehow with everything in my life.
Physically not healthy weight wise, stopped taking my medication because I am one of those who can not afford the prices the pharmaceuticals are charging. They are getting richer as I am getting more into debt. I have canceled the appointment for the kidney specialist because to be honest I just see anything new coming from that appointment and I dont want to pay 150.00 to be told... the same thing as the last time. Next week is the eye doctor and I know I will need to see her since my vision is getting worse, no idea if she is going to set up my surgery or not. She always seems to be in a hurry but, this time I wont let her just brush me off or I will just have to go see someone else. I am holding off getting shots to my knees until next month when I see the other specialist... crap all these doctors.. is this all I am living for??? working for??? is to pay doctors??? NO!!!!
Need to start thinking healing thoughts, speaking healing thoughts and accepting that things will get better.
Can a doctor heal a broken heart? I feel numb inside and yet angry at myself for letting myself fall for someone who collects hearts in a jar. (I love that song..thank you C. Perri)
I will only give myself today to mourn and tomorrow will be a new day, beginning. Sometimes the happy ending is.... just moving on.
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